E3 Day Two Super Notes

Nintendo Notes

• Starfox Zero - Looks pretty good.  Very simple arcade-y space shooter.  The new cockpit view from the gamepad looks alright.

• Mario Maker - Looks like a good creative tool for people to play more Mario.

• Amiibo - More new Amiibos...  This is their huge money maker right now.  Hammer slam Bowser and Turbo-charged Donkey Kong... They're Amiibos and Skylanders Characters in one toy.

• Legend of Zelda: Triforce Heroes - 3 Player Co-op Zelda Adventure - Finally!?  Solving puzzles and going through dungeons...  You can play single-player still, you get little "doll" AI characters.  Different outfits and abilities/items.  Online multiplayer.

• Hyrule Warriors Legends 3DS - Action Hack n' Slash - Oh my sweet jesus.  With additional Wind Waker characters.  The Warriors games are my guilty pleasure in gaming.  I'm on board here.

• Metroid Prime: Federation Force - 4 player Co-op - Looks like Monster Hunter: Metroid or Halo Metroid.

• Metroid Prime: Blast Ball - Metroid Sports?  I'm so confused

• Fire Emblem: Fates - Turn-based Tactical Strategy - 3DS - Decent trailer with a tiny bit of gameplay.  This will sell like hotcakes

• Some Japanese FE game - No idea what this is.  Nintendo didn't put it in English.

• Xenoblade Chronicles X - RPG - They showed a new trailer.  The gameplay is similar to the other titles, RPG combat is a little slow for my tastes in these games.

• Animal Crossing Happy Home Designer- Creative Home Builder - Cards with NFC chips in them have been added for more stuff and interactivity.

• Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival - Party Game - It looked like Mario Party but with Animal Crossing.

• Yoshi's Woolly World - Platformer - Amiibos are super cute looking.  Little plushy amiibos.  Looks like a creative, pretty looking Nintendo platformer.  I'm not super excited, but it might be fun as a one-time playthrough.  Co-op mode looks like a good addition, can always use more co-op titles in the industry.  If you have a Mario Amiibo, it turns into a Mario Yoshi in game, etc.

• Yo-kai Watch - Similar to Pokemon - Collect/find ghosts, turn-based combat with mini-games.  Poke-fans will buy this game.

• Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam - 3D Mario Game with mini-games - Looks semi-fun.  It'll be one of the better titles out of the line-up.

• Mario Tennis Ultra Smash - Mario Tennis... Stop trying to make tennis happen.  Wii Tennis was it!

• Mario Maker - Creative - They're talking about it again.  Instant feedback to level creation, they're giving a lot of creative freedom to what players will be able to create.  Mario can turn into Amiibo characters when he gets a costume mushroom.  

• LetsSuperMario.com - Upload videos about Super Mario and Nintendo will make a donation to Operation Smile

The presentation was a lot of fan-service, and maybe there's more to come.  But it's nothing ground-breaking from Nintendo.  I'm not sure what I expected... but it wasn't as exciting as it could have been.  The best thing I saw was co-op Zelda for 3DS, but it just doesn't seem like any creative uses of their systems and there was no announcement of the new system yet.

Square Enix Notes

• Just Cause 3 - Open world Action - 400 square miles of open world and lots of vehicles and weapons.You can attach tons of things with the grapple.  80 vehicles.  Lots of mini-games to compete for online leaderboards.  They didn't say anything about multiplayer... when Just Cause 2 Multiplayer mod is the only reason that people care about this IP anymore...  This could be a HUGE missed opportunity.

• NieR New Project - PS4 Nier Game - It was just a super cryptic teaser trailer that name-dropped experienced game developers.

• Rise of the Tomb Raider - Adventure - I'm sure this game will be well-made.  The newer Tomb Raider title was excellent.  I will be more of the same cinematic-adventure that people like from these titles, so it'll do well.

• Lara Croft Go - Tomb Raider Mobile Game - Craptastic.  Turn-based experience.

• Final Fantasy VII remake - This was shown again.  "Stay tuned for more detailed information in the future." They're also releasing the old FFVII on the iphone at the end of summer.

• Kingdom Hearts Unchained Key - It's a japanese browser game that they're bringing to mobile.  It did alright in Japan, but it didn't keep anyone's attention.

• Kingdom Hearts 3 - Action-y RPG with Disney Characters - This will be a story-driven nostalgia-fest.  It will sell at ludicrous-speed.  The game will probably be very polished.  It's one of those games that people want to experience the story... so it might actually be more popular for streamers/content creators online to have people watch it.

• World of Final Fantasy - Didn't show much other than the trailer that was posted yesterday.

• Hitman - 3rd Person Action/Stealth - HD sandbox game.  Freedom of approach to take out your targets.  Sounds like you get even more freedom.  We'll see!  They reward "complete mastery" of levels.  It's a game about killing.  It'll have to be more than this, we'll see what social options you can do with your friends for the game...

• They showed some quick trailers of some of their newer titles like Final Fantasy XV.

• Star Ocean: Integrity and Faithlessness - Seems like a pretty JRPG.  Combat seems interesting, a cross between real time combat and turn based ability use.  JRPG fans will gobble this up.  Aiming for 60 fps.

• Deus Ex: Mankind Divided - Action RPG - Takes place in 2029.  Stopping the Illuminati.  In-game trailer shown.  I want this game to be good.  The others were decent games.

• Project Setsuna - New JRPG from a studio that will only make JRPG's called Tokyo RPG Factory.  They showed some concept art.  Who knows.

E3 PC Notes

Holy crap where do I start... This presentation was a roller-coaster of excitement and boredom. I'll just do more bullet points for games and what happened.

• Killing Floor 2 - FPS/Horror - They showed off new tech that allows gore to be more disgusting, it actually looked really cool haha. This game is always a blast with friends. It definitely rides the wave between frustration and relief.

• Rising Storm 2: Vietnam - FPS - Another Tripwire game. It'll be kinda fun, but nobody will care. More Vietnam and/or WW2 just bores people to death.

• Star Citizen - Action/Simulation - Got a brief look on the mo-cap that they're working and it always looks so good.

• Then AMD talked about blah blah graphics chips, "we're AMD you should trust us."

• Deus Ex - FPS/RPG - Devs came out and talked about the tech behind their new Deus Ex game, it looked pretty cool. I'm sure this will be another "play through it once then done" game.

• Total War: Warhammer - RTS - This is a Warhammer fanboy's dream. I'm excited for it because I support the Total War games... but they always mess up with too much paid DLC.

• Xbox Dude comes out on stage like a patronizing ass. "At Microsoft, we want to show our support of PC gaming because we may not have as much as we wanted to in the past." He had this smug grin I couldn't forget.

• Rod Fergusson came out to talk about Gears of War on PC... So boring. I actually think that game is more fun on consoles with your console buddies. Nobody cares on PC, we have much better shooter games to play.

• American Truck Simulator - Simulation - Best game 2016, GOTY, All the awards. Want. The name says it all.

• EVE Valkyrie - VR Space Shooter - Didn't really show anything new, just talked about VR and designing the game from the ground up for VR.

• Ion - Survival - Dean Hall's new project since he abandoned DayZ. So much hesitation to be hyped at all about this.

• Strafe - FPS - Low rez artsy shooter? Shooters are so boring, do something else with it please.

• Pillars of Eternity: The White March - RPG - This is one of the best designed games for PC and it's getting an expansion. Obisidian has churned out gems for several years now with the South Park game and Pillars of Eternity. This'll be great.

• Planet Coaster - Theme Park Sim - The Elite Dangerous team is reviving the lost roller coaster tycoon genre. If it keeps the visual look that they showed in the trailer, it could be really interesting.

• Guild Wars 2: Heart of Thorns - MMO Expansion - Unless they have some new end-game loot system in the game, it'll never get the same amount of players back.

• Hitman - TPS - The new freedom of the "sandbox maps" looks neat, but I still want a game that isn't just "kill people in neat ways." So then they presented "well you can interact with your friends in different ways by submitting targets online, etc." We'll see if it actually ends up interesting.

• Beyond Eyes - Artsy/Exploration - Looks beautiful, I'll probably watch someone play a little of it, understand it, then never touch it myself.

• Dirty Bomb - Team FPS - Team shooters have lost their appeal for me. I really could care less here.

• Soma - Horror - This game's trailer made me stressed. Horror games freak me out. No thanks!

• DayZ - Survival - It was neat to see what they're working on... but Ark has dinosaurs. You lose DayZ.

• Take On: Mars - Survival/Creative - Looks like Space Engineers meets space survival? I might check it out to see if there's anything new about it.

• Heroes of the Storm: Eternal Conflict - New expansion themed on Diablo. Monk will be a support character. I still think I'm pretty done with MOBAs in general. They don't provide any new gameplay experiences for me at this point.

• StarCraft 2 Expansion - RTS - I'll play this for the story on the hardest difficulty, then never touch it again. I'm not asian enough to ever win any SC2 tournaments. (that sounds horribly racist, but I'm pretty sure it's a fact)

• No Man's Sky - Space/Exploration - They announced that it will be on PC as well as PS4. "Well we couldn't announce that it was coming to PC as well before for reasons" No shit, you wanted everyone to think it was PS4 exclusive because Sony paid you to do that. I'm glad they are smart enough to realize that the experience will be better on PC. I want them to tone down the color scheme in that game though... it's SO bright and might give a headache during long play sessions. This game + Oculus Rift = yes please.

E3 PC Notes

E3 PC Notes

Holy crap where do I start... This presentation was a roller-coaster of excitement and boredom. I'll just do more bullet points for games and what happened.

• Killing Floor 2 - FPS/Horror - They showed off new tech that allows gore to be more disgusting, it actually looked really cool haha. This game is always a blast with friends. It definitely rides the wave between frustration and relief.

• Rising Storm 2: Vietnam - FPS - Another Tripwire game. It'll be kinda fun, but nobody will care. More Vietnam and/or WW2 just bores people to death.

• Star Citizen - Action/Simulation - Got a brief look on the mo-cap that they're working and it always looks so good.

• Then AMD talked about blah blah graphics chips, "we're AMD you should trust us."

• Deus Ex - FPS/RPG - Devs came out and talked about the tech behind their new Deus Ex game, it looked pretty cool. I'm sure this will be another "play through it once then done" game.

• Total War: Warhammer - RTS - This is a Warhammer fanboy's dream. I'm excited for it because I support the Total War games... but they always mess up with too much paid DLC.

• Xbox Dude comes out on stage like a patronizing ass. "At Microsoft, we want to show our support of PC gaming because we may not have as much as we wanted to in the past." He had this smug grin I couldn't forget.

• Rod Fergusson came out to talk about Gears of War on PC... So boring. I actually think that game is more fun on consoles with your console buddies. Nobody cares on PC, we have much better shooter games to play.

• American Truck Simulator - Simulation - Best game 2016, GOTY, All the awards. Want. The name says it all.

• EVE Valkyrie - VR Space Shooter - Didn't really show anything new, just talked about VR and designing the game from the ground up for VR.

• Ion - Survival - Dean Hall's new project since he abandoned DayZ. So much hesitation to be hyped at all about this.

• Strafe - FPS - Low rez artsy shooter? Shooters are so boring, do something else with it please.

• Pillars of Eternity: The White March - RPG - This is one of the best designed games for PC and it's getting an expansion. Obisidian has churned out gems for several years now with the South Park game and Pillars of Eternity. This'll be great.

• Planet Coaster - Theme Park Sim - The Elite Dangerous team is reviving the lost roller coaster tycoon genre. If it keeps the visual look that they showed in the trailer, it could be really interesting.

• Guild Wars 2: Heart of Thorns - MMO Expansion - Unless they have some new end-game loot system in the game, it'll never get the same amount of players back.

• Hitman - TPS - The new freedom of the "sandbox maps" looks neat, but I still want a game that isn't just "kill people in neat ways." So then they presented "well you can interact with your friends in different ways by submitting targets online, etc." We'll see if it actually ends up interesting.

• Beyond Eyes - Artsy/Exploration - Looks beautiful, I'll probably watch someone play a little of it, understand it, then never touch it myself.

• Dirty Bomb - Team FPS - Team shooters have lost their appeal for me. I really could care less here.

• Soma - Horror - This game's trailer made me stressed. Horror games freak me out. No thanks!

• DayZ - Survival - It was neat to see what they're working on... but Ark has dinosaurs. You lose DayZ.

• Take On: Mars - Survival/Creative - Looks like Space Engineers meets space survival? I might check it out to see if there's anything new about it.

• Heroes of the Storm: Eternal Conflict - New expansion themed on Diablo. Monk will be a support character. I still think I'm pretty done with MOBAs in general. They don't provide any new gameplay experiences for me at this point.

• StarCraft 2 Expansion - RTS - I'll play this for the story on the hardest difficulty, then never touch it again. I'm not asian enough to ever win any SC2 tournaments. (that sounds horribly racist, but I'm pretty sure it's a fact)

• No Man's Sky - Space/Exploration - They announced that it will be on PC as well as PS4. "Well we couldn't announce that it was coming to PC as well before for reasons" No shit, you wanted everyone to think it was PS4 exclusive because Sony paid you to do that. I'm glad they are smart enough to realize that the experience will be better on PC. I want them to tone down the color scheme in that game though... it's SO bright and might give a headache during long play sessions. This game + Oculus Rift = yes please.

E3 Square Enix Notes

Square Enix Notes

• Just Cause 3 - Open world Action - 400 square miles of open world and lots of vehicles and weapons.You can attach tons of things with the grapple.  80 vehicles.  Lots of mini-games to compete for online leaderboards.  They didn't say anything about multiplayer... when Just Cause 2 Multiplayer mod is the only reason that people care about this IP anymore...  This could be a HUGE missed opportunity.

• NieR New Project - PS4 Nier Game - It was just a super cryptic teaser trailer that name-dropped experienced game developers.

• Rise of the Tomb Raider - Adventure - I'm sure this game will be well-made.  The newer Tomb Raider title was excellent.  I will be more of the same cinematic-adventure that people like from these titles, so it'll do well.

• Lara Croft Go - Tomb Raider Mobile Game - Craptastic.  Turn-based experience.

• Final Fantasy VII remake - This was shown again.  "Stay tuned for more detailed information in the future." They're also releasing the old FFVII on the iphone at the end of summer.

• Kingdom Hearts Unchained Key - It's a japanese browser game that they're bringing to mobile.  It did alright in Japan, but it didn't keep anyone's attention.

• Kingdom Hearts 3 - Action-y RPG with Disney Characters - This will be a story-driven nostalgia-fest.  It will sell at ludicrous-speed.  The game will probably be very polished.  It's one of those games that people want to experience the story... so it might actually be more popular for streamers/content creators online to have people watch it.

• World of Final Fantasy - Didn't show much other than the trailer that was posted yesterday.

• Hitman - 3rd Person Action/Stealth - HD sandbox game.  Freedom of approach to take out your targets.  Sounds like you get even more freedom.  We'll see!  They reward "complete mastery" of levels.  It's a game about killing.  It'll have to be more than this, we'll see what social options you can do with your friends for the game...

• They showed some quick trailers of some of their newer titles like Final Fantasy XV.

• Star Ocean: Integrity and Faithlessness - Seems like a pretty JRPG.  Combat seems interesting, a cross between real time combat and turn based ability use.  JRPG fans will gobble this up.  Aiming for 60 fps.

• Deus Ex: Mankind Divided - Action RPG - Takes place in 2029.  Stopping the Illuminati.  In-game trailer shown.  I want this game to be good.  The others were decent games.

• Project Setsuna - New JRPG from a studio that will only make JRPG's called Tokyo RPG Factory.  They showed some concept art.  Who knows.

E3 Nintendo Notes

Nintendo Notes

• Starfox Zero - Looks pretty good.  Very simple arcade-y space shooter.  The new cockpit view from the gamepad looks alright.

• Mario Maker - Looks like a good creative tool for people to play more Mario.

• Amiibo - More new Amiibos...  This is their huge money maker right now.  Hammer slam Bowser and Turbo-charged Donkey Kong... They're Amiibos and Skylanders Characters in one toy.

• Legend of Zelda: Triforce Heroes - 3 Player Co-op Zelda Adventure - Finally!?  Solving puzzles and going through dungeons...  You can play single-player still, you get little "doll" AI characters.  Different outfits and abilities/items.  Online multiplayer.

• Hyrule Warriors Legends 3DS - Action Hack n' Slash - Oh my sweet jesus.  With additional Wind Waker characters.  The Warriors games are my guilty pleasure in gaming.  I'm on board here.

• Metroid Prime: Federation Force - 4 player Co-op - Looks like Monster Hunter: Metroid or Halo Metroid.

• Metroid Prime: Blast Ball - Metroid Sports?  I'm so confused

• Fire Emblem: Fates - Turn-based Tactical Strategy - 3DS - Decent trailer with a tiny bit of gameplay.  This will sell like hotcakes

• Some Japanese FE game - No idea what this is.  Nintendo didn't put it in English.

• Xenoblade Chronicles X - RPG - They showed a new trailer.  The gameplay is similar to the other titles, RPG combat is a little slow for my tastes in these games.

• Animal Crossing Happy Home Designer- Creative Home Builder - Cards with NFC chips in them have been added for more stuff and interactivity.

• Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival - Party Game - It looked like Mario Party but with Animal Crossing.

• Yoshi's Woolly World - Platformer - Amiibos are super cute looking.  Little plushy amiibos.  Looks like a creative, pretty looking Nintendo platformer.  I'm not super excited, but it might be fun as a one-time playthrough.  Co-op mode looks like a good addition, can always use more co-op titles in the industry.  If you have a Mario Amiibo, it turns into a Mario Yoshi in game, etc.

• Yo-kai Watch - Similar to Pokemon - Collect/find ghosts, turn-based combat with mini-games.  Poke-fans will buy this game.

• Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam - 3D Mario Game with mini-games - Looks semi-fun.  It'll be one of the better titles out of the line-up.

• Mario Tennis Ultra Smash - Mario Tennis... Stop trying to make tennis happen.  Wii Tennis was it!

• Mario Maker - Creative - They're talking about it again.  Instant feedback to level creation, they're giving a lot of creative freedom to what players will be able to create.  Mario can turn into Amiibo characters when he gets a costume mushroom.  

• LetsSuperMario.com - Upload videos about Super Mario and Nintendo will make a donation to Operation Smile

The presentation was a lot of fan-service, and maybe there's more to come.  But it's nothing ground-breaking from Nintendo.  I'm not sure what I expected... but it wasn't as exciting as it could have been.  The best thing I saw was co-op Zelda for 3DS, but it just doesn't seem like any creative uses of their systems and there was no announcement of the new system yet.

E3 Day One Super Notes

WALL OF TEXT: E3 Xbox Showcase Bullet Points (As objectively as I can)

 XBOX FEATURES

• Xbox One "Game Preview" - Early Access for Xbox... I'm sorry console fans. I never wished this evil upon you. You're going to be SO mad playing Early Access games... I'm calling it right now. Just wait. Winter's coming.

• Xbox One Backwards Compatibility - This is good. I know a lot of console gamers want to go back to old games. (I personally think going back to old games is a waste of time for me now since I've played so much, but I can realize the value here)

• Xbox Elite Wireless Controller - This looks amazing. Swappable components and Windows/Xbox compatibility. Sign me up.

NEW GAMES

• Recore - No gameplay shown from Metroid Prime creators. Cinematic looks nice. Holding off on opinion until gameplay.

• Halo 5 - Halo/shooter game. More rehashed gameplay that will sell by the boatload. Console shooter fans will gobble it up, I won't bother. It'll be successful.

• Fallout 4 - FPS-RPG. Again. Will have mods. Mods are going to be a good addition. This game will be good, I'm not too worried. You get Fallout 3 free with Fallout 4... does this matter now? Why haven't you played Fallout 3 yet?

• Plants vs. Zombies: GW2 - Third-Person Action. This game needs some serious additions to it's content. It's a fun concept/core gameplay, but it gets stale fast. They'll need better matchmaking and more things to do. Also need to have better base customization options.

• Dark Souls 3 - Hardcore Third-Person Action-RPG. Another game of rehashed content. Not super excited, but I'm sure I'll play it and have a decent time. It's not going to be a groundbreaker.

• Ashen - Adventure. Looks pretty. Not a game that's piqued my interest, but it might be ok.

• Cuphead - 2D Sidescroll Action. This actually looks new and fun. Old school Disney art with modern action/platformer gameplay. Looks great.

• Ion - FPS Survival Game? The new space DayZ Xbox MMO from Dean "Rocket" Hall. Is this another game he'll pump into Early Access, then abandon to work on something else again? Stay tuned.

• Rare Collection: Another pack of old games to play on a new system. I think this has some great titles in it and it'll sell decently. Again, old games = I won't bother.

• Rise of The Tomb Raider - Adventure. I hope it'll be as good/better than the first game. Crystal Dynamics did a really good job of rebooting this IP.

• Sea of Thieves - Third-Person Action-RPG? Rare's new pirate multiplayer game for Xbox One. Not really sure on how the gameplay works, so I'll abstain from saying anything other than "it looks pretty."

• Minecraft Hololens - Creative. This looks bananas. If they can get the functionality even semi-close to how it looks on stage, this will be nuts. Hologram minecraft on my coffee table? Yes please.

• Gears of War: Ultimate Edition - Third-person Shooter. Boring. They HAD to bring out a couple "dude-bro" titles I guess. "You can play it at 1080p 60 fps now!" Sorry consoles, I have to pull the PCMASTERRACE card here... why wasn't it able to do that before? Not a selling point, in my opinion.

• Gears of War 4 - Third-person Shooter. The trailer was SO DARK. Couldn't really see much of anything other than ANOTHER game that just rehashes old game design to pump out another title that they know will sell. Bored.

• Divinity: Original Sin - Turn-based RPG. Shown after the showcase, this game will be AWESOME for console players. This is one of the best games I have played in the past year and is loads of fun with a friend.

Bethesda Notes:

• Fallout 4 will be a good game. It'll be a game that keeps a lot of game systems that work, and it'll iterate on that successful formula and have a better game.

• Doom looks boring. I'm so tired of just shooters for the sake of being shooters. 

• Dishonored 2 will be ok. It's one of the those games that I'll blow through once, and be done with forever. It'll be probably 20 hrs-ish of enjoyment, then I'll never touch it again.

• Elder Scrolls Card Game: Boring. I hate card games on computer.

• I'm currently playing Fallout Shelter even though I know it's a builder-esque mobile game... what's wrong with me.

E3 EA Notes:

• Need for Speed: Racing. "Heroes of today's car culture." What.  Open world is good.  Racing and getting chased by cops.  IRL cinematics going to in-game graphics that looks real-ish.  Graphics look pretty good, frame-rate is not great.  I wish the camera would pull back more in racing games, but I feel like they do this because of people with small screens.

• Star Wars: The Old Republic - Really? TOR Expansion?  Blur cinematics look great, but the MMO still isn't good enough.  The story is really good in this game... but MMO's are about social tools and end-game content.  TOR just isn't good enough in these regards.

• Unravel - "Do more than just entertain."  Puzzle-platformer.  Looks like a cutesy-artsy kind of game.  Might be a one-time playthrough.  Physics-based 3D platforming that looks good.

• Plants vs Zombies: GW2 - Nobody's clapping for the zombie dancing to Danger Zone on stage.  Womp womp EA.  "Plants are on the attack."  So you just get to defend as zombies now?  Ugh.  Not enough so far...  Seems to be arcade-y fun.  First game wasn't bad... just not better than other options that are available.  Vid linked up above.

• EA Sports - I can't even comment normally on any of these games.  Sports games are fun if you're into sports, but it's boring if you're not.

• NBA Live 16 - Face scan tech again.  Looks pretty close to this guy, so we'll see how accurate it actually is at launch.  Lots of customization for your character.  Can really place yourself in the game.

• Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes - Mobile SW game.... UGH. 

• Minions Paradise - A minion mobile game?  +2 Ugh.  Builder/pay 2 win game.  Kids will spend too much of their parents money on this game.

• FIFA 16 - It'll be another soccer game.  I feel like these sports games have people that still have a negative stigma about video games... playing video games.  Women's teams are in the game now.  This guy keeps bragging about Pele being on stage with him... Nobody in America cares.

• Mirror's Edge - No clue, they showed a pretty trailer, then went straight to Madden.

• Madden - Not even worth watching.  Interactive fantasy football.  D&D for people that hate nerds.

• Star Wars: Battlefront - They catered to people's nostalgia filters with stories of childhood Star Wars memories.  Gameplay looks pretty good with lots going on BUT actual gameplay never looks like this in any of the battlefield games.  Instead of lots of events being spread out over a battlefield, it's always just one cluster of death that slowly moves back and forth.  Maybe some capture points get hit on the side occasionally... but it's never as spread out as the gameplay trailer would have you believe.  Is it just me, or does the Hoth battle map look tiny.  It looks like someone was told verbally about the Hoth battle but didn't watch the movie.

E3 Ubisoft Notes:

• TheFracturedButWhole - Turn-based RPG - From the makers of South Park. Superhero themed. Sounds amazing.

• For Honor - 4v4 Moba - Looks like Dynasty Warriors moba that's grittier... I'd play it.

• Trials Fusion Awesome Level Max Turbo Etc. - Stunt game - This'll be a fun arcade-y game. Looks alright.

• The Division - 3rd Person Shooter/RPG - The graphic downgrade from the first announcement... holy cow. This looks nothing like what it was supposed to look like. I've heard a lot of bad things about the development of this game... So I don't have high hopes. I wanted it to be good... but it won't be. Sad panda.

• Anno 2205 - Real Time Strategy - I loved the previous game. I'm sure this game will be excellent for fans of strategy. These games are all about balancing your economy in-game and it's super fun.

• Just Dance 2016 - Dance game - Can play with just a mobile device. Just Dance Streaming... meh. I guess this is another game that gets less stereotypical gamers into games.  This video is cringe.

• Rainbow Six: Siege - Tactical Shooter - Isn't this game already out on PC? This game is alright... but most people got tired of it after the first week of playing.

• Trackmania - Racing/Creative Game - These are fun games, but they're not good enough to compete with the other racing titles. It's arcade-y and fun with friends... but it doesn't keep you hooked for very long.

• Assassin's Creed: Syndicate - 3rd Person Action - I'm a sucker for Assassin's Creed. IV was the last good one... but I'll keep playing these for the meta-story.

• Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Wildlands - 4 Player Co-op 3rd Person Shooter - Open world. I'll have to see how this game ends up if we can see ACTUAL gameplay. Always have to take E3 presentations with a grain of salt.

E3 Sony Notes #remake:

• Last Guardian - 3D Puzzle Platformer - Looks beautiful and everyone was tearing up for the guardian.  We'll see how the gameplay pans out.

• Horizon: Zero Dawn - 3rd Person Action Shooter - In the future... after humanity has been mostly wiped out by machines and it looks pretty sick.  Machine animal things... I dig it.

• Hitman - 3rd Person Stealth Action - Hitman is old news for me.  I'm not super excited unless they REALLY surprise us and do something new.

• Dreams - Creative - By the LittleBigPlanet team...  No clue what this is.  It almost looks like a creative tool to make beautiful cinematics... not sure how the gameplay will work.

• Destiny: The Taken King - Destiny's a good game.  More content is always good.  Not super exciting though.

• Firewatch - Adventure Survival - Seems interesting.  Survival game for PS4.  Looks like good writing... I'll stick with my PC survival titles...

• Final Fantasy VII Remake - RPG - I know fanboys are super hyped about this.  I couldn't care less.  Play new games.  Expand your horizons.

• Shenmue 3 - This looks pretty cool.  It was weird that they're plugging a Kickstarter and not just funding the game if they really believe in it.  Is that a red flag to anyone else?

• World of Final Fantasy - RPG - World of WarFinal Fantasy?  This could be ok.  Looks cute, but not up my alley.

• Call of Duty Black Ops 3 - FPS - Dude.  Bro.  (Co-op could be fun)

• Uncharted 4 - Adventure - Looked pretty good.  Seemed very similar to the previous Uncharted game, but those are great.  So it'll be good stuff.

Join me tomorrow!

E3 Ubisoft Notes

E3 Ubisoft Notes:

TheFracturedButWhole - Turn-based RPG - From the makers of South Park. Superhero themed. Sounds amazing.

For Honor - 4v4 Moba - Looks like Dynasty Warriors moba that's grittier... I'd play it.

Trials Fusion Awesome Level Max Turbo Etc. - Stunt game - This'll be a fun arcade-y game. Looks alright.

The Division - 3rd Person Shooter/RPG - The graphic downgrade from the first announcement... holy cow. This looks nothing like what it was supposed to look like. I've heard a lot of bad things about the development of this game... So I don't have high hopes. I wanted it to be good... but it won't be. Sad panda.

Anno 2025 - Real Time Strategy - I loved the previous game. I'm sure this game will be excellent for fans of strategy. These games are all about balancing your economy in-game and it's super fun.

Just Dance 2016 - Dance game - Can play with just a mobile device. Just Dance Streaming... meh. I guess this is another game that gets less stereotypical gamers into games.

Rainbow Six: Siege - Tactical Shooter - Isn't this game already out on PC? This game is alright... but most people got tired of it after the first week of playing.

Trackmania - Racing/Creative Game - These are fun games, but they're not good enough to compete with the other racing titles. It's arcade-y and fun with friends... but it doesn't keep you hooked for very long.

Assassin's Creed: Syndicate - 3rd Person Action - I'm a sucker for Assassin's Creed. IV was the last good one... but I'll keep playing these for the meta-story.

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Wildlands - 4 Player Co-op 3rd Person Shooter - Open world. I'll have to see how this game ends up if we can see ACTUAL gameplay. Always have to take E3 presentations with a grain of salt.

E3 Sony Notes

E3 Sony Notes #remake

Last Guardian - 3D Puzzle Platformer - Looks beautiful and everyone was tearing up for the guardian.  We'll see how the gameplay pans out.

Horizon: Zero Dawn - 3rd Person Action Shooter - In the future... after humanity has been mostly wiped out by machines and it looks pretty sick.  Machine animal things... I dig it.

Hitman - 3rd Person Stealth Action - Hitman is old news for me.  I'm not super excited unless they REALLY surprise us and do something new.

Dreams - Creative - By the LittleBigPlanet team...  No clue what this is.  It almost looks like a creative tool to make beautiful cinematics... not sure how the gameplay will work.

Destiny: The Taken King - Destiny's a good game.  More content is always good.  Not super exciting though.

Firewatch - Adventure Survival - Seems interesting.  Survival game for PS4.  Looks like good writing... I'll stick with my PC survival titles...

Final Fantasy VII Remake - RPG - I know fanboys are super hyped about this.  I couldn't care less.  Play new games.  Expand your horizons.

Shenmue 3 - This looks pretty cool.  It was weird that they're plugging a Kickstarter and not just funding the game if they really believe in it.  Is that a red flag to anyone else?

World of Final Fantasy - RPG - World of WarFinal Fantasy?  This could be ok.  Looks cute, but not up my alley.

Call of Duty Black Ops 3 - FPS - Dude.  Bro.  (Co-op could be fun)

Uncharted 4 - Adventure - Looked pretty good.  Seemed very similar to the previous Uncharted game, but those are great.  So it'll be good stuff.

Join me tomorrow!

E3 EA Notes

E3 EA Notes

• Need for Speed: Racing. "Heroes of today's car culture." What.  Open world is good.  Racing and getting chased by cops.  IRL cinematics going to in-game graphics that looks real-ish.  Graphics look pretty good, frame-rate is not great.  I wish the camera would pull back more in racing games, but I feel like they do this because of people with small screens.
• Star Wars: The Old Republic - Really? TOR Expansion?  Blur cinematics look great, but the MMO still isn't good enough.  The story is really good in this game... but MMO's are about social tools and end-game content.  TOR just isn't good enough in these regards.
• Unravel - "Do more than just entertain."  Puzzle-platformer.  Looks like a cutesy-artsy kind of game.  Might be a one-time playthrough.  Physics-based 3D platforming that looks good.
• Plants vs Zombies: GW2 - Nobody's clapping for the zombie dancing to Danger Zone on stage.  Womp womp EA.  "Plants are on the attack."  So you just get to defend as zombies now?  Ugh.  Not enough so far...  Seems to be arcade-y fun.  First game wasn't bad... just not better than other options that are available.
• EA Sports - I can't even comment normally on any of these games.  Sports games are fun if you're into sports, but it's boring if you're not.
• NBA Live 16 - Face scan tech again.  Looks pretty close to this guy, so we'll see how accurate it actually is at launch.  Lots of customization for your character.  Can really place yourself in the game.
• Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes - Mobile SW game.... UGH. 
• Minions Paradise - A minion mobile game?  +2 Ugh.  Builder/pay 2 win game.  Kids will spend too much of their parents money on this game.
• FIFA 16 - It'll be another soccer game.  I feel like these sports games have people that still have a negative stigma about video games... playing video games.  Women's teams are in the game now.  This guy keeps bragging about Pele being on stage with him... Nobody in America cares.
• Mirror's Edge - No clue, they showed a pretty trailer, then went straight to Madden.
• Madden - Not even worth watching.  Fantasy football.  D&D for people that hate nerds.
• Star Wars: Battlefront - They catered to people's nostalgia filters with stories of childhood Star Wars memories.  Gameplay looks pretty good with lots going on BUT actual gameplay never looks like this in any of the battlefield games.  Instead of lots of events being spread out over a battlefield, it's always just one cluster of death that slowly moves back and forth.  Maybe some capture points get hit on the side occasionally... but it's never as spread out as the gameplay trailer would have you believe.  Is it just me, or does the Hoth battle map look tiny.  It looks like someone was told verbally about the Hoth battle but didn't watch the movie.

E3: Xbox Showcase and Bethesda Notes

WALL OF TEXT: E3 Xbox Showcase Bullet Points (As objectively as I can)

 XBOX FEATURES

• Xbox One "Game Preview" - Early Access for Xbox... I'm sorry console fans. I never wished this evil upon you. You're going to be SO mad playing Early Access games... I'm calling it right now. Just wait. Winter's coming.
• Xbox One Backwards Compatibility - This is good. I know a lot of console gamers want to go back to old games. (I personally think going back to old games is a waste of time for me now since I've played so much, but I can realize the value here)
• Xbox Elite Wireless Controller - This looks amazing. Swappable components and Windows/Xbox compatibility. Sign me up.

NEW GAMES

• Recore - No gameplay shown from Metroid Prime creators. Cinematic looks nice. Holding off on opinion until gameplay.
• Halo 5 - Halo/shooter game. More rehashed gameplay that will sell by the boatload. Console shooter fans will gobble it up, I won't bother. It'll be successful.
• Fallout 4 - FPS-RPG. Again. Will have mods. Mods are going to be a good addition. This game will be good, I'm not too worried. You get Fallout 3 free with Fallout 4... does this matter now? Why haven't you played Fallout 3 yet?
• Plants vs. Zombies: GW2 - Third-Person Action. This game needs some serious additions to it's content. It's a fun concept/core gameplay, but it gets stale fast. They'll need better matchmaking and more things to do. Also need to have better base customization options.
• Dark Souls 3 - Hardcore Third-Person Action-RPG. Another game of rehashed content. Not super excited, but I'm sure I'll play it and have a decent time. It's not going to be a groundbreaker.
• Ashen - Adventure. Looks pretty. Not a game that's piqued my interest, but it might be ok.
• Cuphead - 2D Sidescroll Action. This actually looks new and fun. Old school Disney art with modern action/platformer gameplay. Looks great.
• Ion - FPS Survival Game? The new space DayZ Xbox MMO from Dean "Rocket" Hall. Is this another game he'll pump into Early Access, then abandon to work on something else again? Stay tuned.
• Rare Collection: Another pack of old games to play on a new system. I think this has some great titles in it and it'll sell decently. Again, old games = I won't bother.
• Rise of The Tomb Raider - Adventure. I hope it'll be as good/better than the first game. Crystal Dynamics did a really good job of rebooting this IP.
• Sea of Thieves - Third-Person Action-RPG? Rare's new pirate multiplayer game for Xbox One. Not really sure on how the gameplay works, so I'll abstain from saying anything other than "it looks pretty."
• Minecraft Hololens - Creative. This looks bananas. If they can get the functionality even semi-close to how it looks on stage, this will be nuts. Hologram minecraft on my coffee table? Yes please.
• Gears of War: Ultimate Edition - Third-person Shooter. Boring. They HAD to bring out a couple "dude-bro" titles I guess. "You can play it at 1080p 60 fps now!" Sorry consoles, I have to pull the PCMASTERRACE card here... why wasn't it able to do that before? Not a selling point, in my opinion.
• Gears of War 4 - Third-person Shooter. The trailer was SO DARK. Couldn't really see much of anything other than ANOTHER game that just rehashes old game design to pump out another title that they know will sell. Bored.
• Divinity: Original Sin - Turn-based RPG. Shown after the showcase, this game will be AWESOME for console players. This is one of the best games I have played in the past year and is loads of fun with a friend.

Bethesda Notes:

• Fallout 4 will be a good game. It'll be a game that keeps a lot of game systems that work, and it'll iterate on that successful formula and have a better game.
• Doom looks boring. I'm so tired of just shooters for the sake of being shooters. 
• Dishonored 2 will be ok. It's one of the those games that I'll blow through once, and be done with forever. It'll be probably 20 hrs-ish of enjoyment, then I'll never touch it again.
• Elder Scrolls Card Game: Boring. I hate card games on computer.
• I'm currently playing Fallout Shelter even though I know it's a builder-esque mobile game... what's wrong with me.

Dungeon Defenders 2 - Why I Care About An Early Access Title

I think this game is finally headed in the right direction.

After a tumultuous beginning, Dungeon Defenders 2 is on the right track.  It started out as a MOBA title that I felt was very lackluster.  Luckily they changed back to their bread-and-butter game design of being a successful tower defense game with heavy RPG elements.

A lot of people are turned off by the game's free-to-play elements, but I don't feel that concern is warranted right now.  Let's go over the main game systems/features that exist in the game right now.

• RPG Leveling Character Progression
• Vertical Loot Progression (Several tiers/rarities of gear)
• Tower Defense style gameplay defending waves of enemies.
• Four different classes for variety, each with their own defenses and abilities.
• Pets that level up/help attack.
• Premium Currency Costumes/Skins
• Many different levels, including one boss encounter.
• Two difficulties currently present.

If you look at the bullet points, it's a pretty solid game so far.  In order to beat the boss level on the hardest difficulty, you have to have played for anywhere between 30-70 hours.  That time depends on if you had a friend help boost your character and gear.

I loved the first game, it had more content than I could ever accomplish.  I don't think I ever was able to solo the last level of the expansion content by myself on the hardest difficulty.

These games have had a cute art style that appeals to the more casual player, but gameplay elements that cater to the more hardcore.

This new patch for the early access has added the pet system, costumes, and the first boss, and I'm very excited to see what gets added to this game to see if it can become equal or better than the first title.

I'm out of time to write more right now, but I'll be back for a more in-depth post about Dungeon Defenders 2.

We're Doing It Wrong

We’re doing it wrong.

As an avid game enthusiast, I really believe that my fellow consumers and the companies that we consume from, often get confused with our expectations of the game products that we acquire.

The internet is, of course, a rampant cesspool of negativity and “comments.” I only describe “comments” with quotations because they’re hardly worth mentioning when they didn’t even require a brain synapse to fire to develop them. 

With that in mind, I like to analyze the critiques of games that develop over time, and compare them with my own notes about the recent releases to get a better feel for the market and the consumers that inhabit it.

This post is split into two sections, one for the game companies and one for the consumers.  Feel free to read both if you'd like to glean a better understanding of how I feel about the industry.

Developers/Game Companies

I’ve developed some strong beliefs when it comes to games and which business models they choose to follow.

The Rules of Game Costs:

If you think of your game as a product and your goal is to make a game in a specific way for a specific audience, then you should have a set one-time price on your game.

If you view your game as an on-going test of game evolution and feature creep, then you should go for a subscription model.

If you view your game as a core ideal that should be played by everyone BUT you want to monetize it, then go for a micro-transaction model.

Micro-transactions come with some additional rules.  This is where we venture into the dreaded “Don’t make a game Pay to Win” topic.

If you are going to use microtransactions, then determine how they are being implemented.

When the game is complete, but you’d like to add gameplay to it…

Determine the average amount of time spent playing until your games’ end state and compare that with the total cost of your game.  Then use that to determine the price of your DLC by comparison. 

For example:  If I buy a sixty dollar game that takes me twenty hours to beat, then I could expect a five hour DLC to cost fifteen dollars.  Obviously giving more gameplay to your consumer for a lower price always increases demand, but this should be used to determine the maximum cost of the content.

When your game is continually being developed and you set a price point of FREE…

Determine the things you can add to your game that would enhance the player’s experience without changing the core gameplay.  Re-skins of in-game assets are really popular, or just cosmetic things in general.  Why not add pets that just follow you around and look cute?  Never discount the things that might seem just like trivial addons.  They might be the most appealing to one section of your audience.

Consumers

If you skimmed over that last section then you understand where the development should be aimed.  A lot of companies and games are confused and even fail because they didn’t follow my idea of the rules of game costs.

We should cater our expectations to how the game is priced.

The Complete Product

If you purchase a game for a one-time price, you should expect to get a certain amount of enjoyment out of it, and it should be as bug-free as possible. 

I usually equate a sixty dollar game with about twenty hours of gameplay to be worth it.  I only developed this metric from the cost of going out to dinner and/or a movie.  Obviously, a lower price = less time enjoyed, etc.  Some people have their own algorithms, that’s just mine.

However, even though I have my own method of determining worth, I expect a game that has a set price without additional costs to be as complete of a product as possible.  I’ll be lenient if there’s an errant bug here and there, but anything game-breaking is unacceptable.

The Subscription

The subscription based game is a different beast.  I’ll give a little more leniency for bugs and errors.  I still will use my value metric to determine if the initial release of the gameplay was good enough, but it depends on the price.  Subscription based games can require an initial game purchase cost (i.e. World of Warcraft) or they can be a free-to-play model that is enhanced by a subscription (Airmech, War Thunder, etc.)  This game should be viewed as a service.  You need to keep improving and adding to it in order to make it worth the monthly fee.

The game should be worth the initial investment.  If it has a high price, I expect a lot of gameplay out of the base price.  If it’s free, I expect to be convinced that the gameplay is worth subscribing to.

Then after you determine if it was worth the price of engagement, you look at how it’s developing on a month-to-month basis.

Are the companies actively improving the game?  Are they actively adding content?  Is that content improving your gameplay experience?  Or is it not worth the investment?

Regular updates and content releases are usually the sign of a healthy studio that has a good plan of action, so that makes me feel better about the product that I’m investing time into.

The Micro-transaction

The core gameplay should be engaging.  I strongly believe that the game should get you to it’s intended play-state as fast as possible.

What I mean by that is this…  The game should have to playing the intended game experience as quickly as possible.  As a player, you should be able to see the vision immediately, or very quickly. 

One example of this kind of moment was my recent play session in Cities: Skylines.  It’s not a free-to-play title, but bear with me.  I had played the most recent release of SimCity, so I had certain expectations of how the game should pan out.  Within five minutes of playing, I was able to place pipes for my sewage and water, power lines for my citizens, and watched it all come to life and the population began moving into my fledgling city.  I remember calling my girlfriend over to check it out, and we watched as one of my citizens got into his car parked on the street by his house, drive to work, park, and enter the building. 

I immediately understood the depth and the core gameplay aspects of the game.

We should expect games to pull us in, but also that they’re not complete.  We should expect the game to ask us for money at some point.  Unless it’s a game made by a non-profit, we should expect the game to monetize in some way.  (Or a student project… you get the point.)

We should also expect the free-to-play games to have mechanisms in place to keep from “richer people” getting an advantage over “poorer people.”  The Pay to Win model is an ugly one that can get your game thrown into the bin of shovelware.  There can be many ways to do this, but it’s up to the developers to determine the gameplay experience, and I’m sure there’s more inventive ways to prevent this from happening that even I haven’t seen yet.

For a TL;DR version:

We should cater our expectations of games to the way that they’re priced.  Different pricing models should mean different things for the developers and the consumers.

We often get upset by our expectations of games and feel the need to express these in a variety of formats, but we should take a minute to consider if our complaint is valid, or if it’s just a waste of our concern.

I'm On Board With the Monster Hunter 4U Hype Train: Here's Why

I'm fully on board the hype train for the upcoming title, Monster Hunter 4U for the Nintendo 3ds.  I might have a different reason that most, but let's begin with some bullet points about why it's a good game, before I tell you why I'm particularly interested in the franchise.

The points that most reviews focus on:

• A game focused on killing bosses.  By yourself and/or with friends.
• Finally has online multiplayer on 3DS.
• 14 different weapon types.
• Each weapon type plays COMPLETELY differently than each other in combat.
• A more coherent story than previous titles.
• A more approachable new player experience with better tutorials and weapon combo screens to view.
• You can enjoy the game in short spurts... or delve into the hardcore realm and spend hundreds, even thousands, of hours.
• THERE ARE 75 BOSSES IN THIS GAME.  I remember when Molten Core in WoW launched with what... 10?
• The amount of polish in the game is staggering.  The bosses have amazing animations, the combat is deep, and the amount of gear you can get/make is unbelievable.
• You can now do attacks in mid-air and even jump on the monsters backs and ride/stab them for a bit.
• The combat is complicated.  It can feel clunky and slow to players that haven't learned the ropes yet.  Once you find the weapon that suits your playstyle... it's a whole different ballpark.
• The game can feel grindy or even have boring quests.
• The long boss fights (often taking 20-30 min) can turn people off, but the better you get at the game combined with the gear you receive from the kills can reduce this down to 2-5 minute kills.

The part of the game that I focus on, and why I'm pumped:

How long have I been asking for a pure co-operative player vs. environment experience!?  A game that I can enjoy with my friends anywhere I am.  A game that has a community that's focused on working together to down some dauntingly amazing bosses...

I was introduced to the Monster Hunter by some close friends and it held my attention for being a cult hit in Japan... but I wasn't fully on board yet.  The game being limited to Nintendo was my first hurdle, then the most recent version of the game only had online multiplayer support on the Wii U version.  Monster Hunter 3U also had horrendous camera control.  The 3DS Circle Pad Pro accessory really negated this complaint, but I'd much rather have some sort of right joystick built into the system for camera control.

Nintendo really hasn't had a game that I can just immerse myself into.  Sure they have fun titles like Zelda and Super Smash Brothers, but I guess I want something nerdier.  I want to geek out and get into the minutiae of the mechanics of a game but still have a great time with my friends that play much more casually.

This new version of the game, and the new 3DS have changed all of that.  My two major complaints about not being able to enjoy Monster Hunter previously were these:

• I had no idea what I was doing.
• The camera control was horrible using the d-pad/touchscreen.
• Only local multiplayer.  (I'm an online presence!  I want to play with my gaming friends all over the country!)

All of these concerns have been fixed by Monster Hunter 4U.

They added much better weapon tutorials and guiding within the game.  The new 3DS has the new little nub joystick that can control the camera for Monster Hunter.  AND FINALLY ONLINE MULTIPLAYER.

I did go above and beyond and looked at GaijinHunter's amazing weapon tutorial videos, but it's something I highly recommend.  I played through the demo over and over again trying new weapons to see if I'd like new things, never even realizing some of the capabilities and combos that the weapons could perform.  If you have just ten minutes here and there, you should really check them out if you're interested in the game.

To get back to my main point without nerding out about game mechanics too much...

This is finally the PvE co-op experience I've been CRAVING!

A game that you can play with three other friends, conquering giant bosses, and working together with a helpful community in order to accomplish the harder goals within the game.  A game where a hardcore player like me can delve hours upon hours into, improving my character, and gaining mastery over my combat... then join my more casual friends to just "smash some monster heads" and I'll still love every second.

Maybe it's the smaller community because Monster Hunter isn't super well known.  Maybe it IS the fact that it's not on many different systems yet and the exposure to the player base seems low.  Maybe it's these points that help the small community vibe thrive and seem engaging.

This is the game that I got a 3DS for.  This is the gaming experience that I've been looking for.  This is a system seller through and through for me.  There is no price you can set for having those unforgettable "holy shit" moments with your good friends, and in this case even strangers.

Monster Hunter 4U is FILLED with "holy shit..." moments.

Just look at the sheer amount of armor sets in this game...  Each armor set changes every 3-4 seconds... and this video is 19 minutes long!?

Get this game.  Join me.  Let's go smash some dragon heads and then prance on their corpses.

My Mimi Passed and I'm Sad and Happy... Help?

I am sad...

...because my grandmother has passed away.  This is always a simple sentiment to express, but what makes me really sad are the finer details of why this moment is very hard for me to overcome.  I'm not really sure of the best way of putting my feelings into words, so I'm more in tune with making some bullet points about why she meant so much to me.

I'm sad because I lost the person that instilled my moral core that I still use and adhere to.

I'm sad because I lost the person that taught me to be kind to everyone.

I'm sad because I lost the person that taught me the social etiquette to be a polite and decent human being.

I'm sad because I lost the person that taught me countless lessons... like keeping my elbows off the table.

I'm sad that I remember playing my first Nintendo in the guest room on the first floor in the house in Barrington... then hiding it in the armoire and pretending to be playing with Legos.

I'm sad that she can't teach kindergarten anymore to wide-eyed young children.

I'm sad that I didn't send her enough thank-you notes for the presents I would receive on my birthdays and the holidays.

I am happy...

...because my grandmother taught me to really appreciate nature.

I'm happy because I'll never forget the times I'd get a hand-made lime-ade after doing my chores.

I'm happy that I know that she always loved me and supported me through my many life mistakes.

I'm happy that she enjoyed and approved of my girlfriend, Andrea.

I'm happy that she was able to attend my jazz concerts in high school because I know she appreciated them.

I'm happy that I was able to cook a turkey for the person that will forever put my cooking skills to shame for the rest of my life.

I'm happy that my favorite recipe of all time is my grandmother's breakfast casserole, that I always adamantly push for every holiday with my family.

I am confused, but hopeful...

...because I'm not quite sure how to handle this, or how to grieve properly.  I recently had the flu, which lead to an ear infection, which lead to a minor case of Bell's Palsy, which I have affectionately dubbed my "derpy face" so I kind of look like this...

I can't even cry normally... I feel really awkward.

I'm also scared that my family will take my grieving process in the wrong way.  I've been learning how to maintain my cool while my anxiety issues run rampant within my life... and my major coping mechanism is humor and the harder it is for me... the harsher it gets.

I'm worried I'm going to say something out of place, something harsh to my relatives that I know are grieving just as much, if not more, than I am.  I'm worried that I'm going to sound like a complete ass.  Unfortunately, this is just how my brain deals with this.  I'm worried that I'll say something to my friends or Andrea that is too harsh because of dealing with this.  I'm worried I'll get so involved about thinking about the importance of family, that I'll say something mean when someone just tried to distract me with something else, if only for a second.

I've been battling my issues with my faith recently.  I can't really say I believe in a God anymore, but I still believe that maybe eventually I'll be proven wrong that there will be irrefutable evidence that a higher power does exist, but until then, my brain is still more focused in science.  

It's always the easy answer to just say that my grandma is in heaven with my dog, Maisie (pictured above with her) and her dog, Goodie, my other grandparents, and they're just laughing at how skeptical I'm being about the afterlife... but I just can't get there yet.  I just don't really believe it.  Of course I'd like to believe that all my previous dead pets and relatives are in the same place, snuggling together on some large couch, and having a great time.  I just don't believe that.  

However, if there IS a place that good people go... it's where my Mimi is.  She was the kindest, most polite person I've ever met in my life, and she always had opinions that were based in years of wisdom and experience that I'm not even sure that I'll ever acquire.  If there is one person on this Earth that deserved to go to such a place, more than her, I couldn't fathom it.

It calms me to create these unrealistic visions of the "heaven" that she's in, and the more grandiose, the better.  It helps me to imagine that she's with her old dogs, walking through a limitless, beautiful garden that is the vision of perfection.  It helps me to imagine her with my grandfather, dancing together at Northwestern in their younger years.  It's heaven, right?  So why not!

This whole thing makes me really sad because...

...I never got to tell her how much of an influence she has had on me as an adult.  I've used countless tips about manners, dinner-table etiquette, and just social skills that she gave me while I grew up.  I'll always try, and probably never succeed, to be as polite and respectful as she was in everything that she said.

...I never got to really thank her for being so understanding when I felt like the "black sheep" of my family.  We never got to talk a lot about it, but I cherish the short bits that I was able to get between her, Pru, and I.

...I never got the chance to tell her that I finally understand her love of gardening.  (I'll probably have to re-type these sentences over and over again because I'll be projectile spewing tears at my computer monitor.)

...I never got to tell her that a garden is the one place that I feel relaxed and organized.  I never got to tell her that Andrea and I have been taking regular trips to the Chicago Botanical Gardens to have nice, stress-free days.  The garden has become the one area that I can escape to, where I don't have to worry about anything.  Everything is being handled.  The plants are being taken care of by people that love to maintain it, and by experts that will always have a deeper understanding of it than me.  I don't have to even consider that the plants might not get taken care of the right way... I can just go, and observe a very organized, and beautiful landscape that washes every ounce of stress away.

One day I'll have a plot of land to call my own, and I'll make a garden that will definitely be in her memory.  I'll do my best to keep all my plants alive, trimmed, and maintained so that it can provide the same comfort that my grandmother's love of nature gave to me.

Who knows, maybe I'll even have a Monarch butterfly stop by for when my Dad visits and we both remember our time with her, and the house in Barrington.

I love you, Mimi.  I'll never forget you, and the love that you gave everyone for those eighty-nine years.